[English] HK 一天遊行程, 幫忙執下!! [復制鏈接]

係講幫一個朋友Plan 一日HK既行程, 200字左右! 我就揀左係MK一日遊, 咁多位幫手執下我D英文, 簡單英文就可以, 因為仲要讀番出黎! 唔該晒!!

Form the Langham hotel at 10:00am, we can go to Fa Yuen Street, which means Sneakers Street, This is a small neighborhood with many small retailers which well sports equipment and clothing. We can buy some shoes and take a breakfast in Fuk Kee Congee where have different type of congee, I think you should like that.
Ladies' Market, our second destination after the breakfast, this is one of the most popular shopping street markets in Hong Kong. We can buy bags, toys and clothing that about Hong Kong. It is good place for buying souvenirs. I think we will very tried after shopping, we can go to Milk & Milk to have a lunch, you need to order baked beef with pasta and a baked seafood with rice which is the famous in this restaurant. It’s so delicious.
Leave the Ladies’s Market, we will have a 3D-movie in Langham Place where has around 200 shops catering to shoppers of all ages, is the most popular shopping mall in Hong Kong. I think you need to buy something for yourself after watching movie; here have much toiletry shop of big brand. For example, Gucci, Calvin Klein, Chanel. At last, we can have dinner in food court and back to the hotel.

From (Form) the Langham hotel at 10:00am, we can go to Fa Yuen Street, which is The (means) Sneakers Street. (,) This is a small neighborhood with many small retailers selling (which) well sports equipment and clothing. We can buy some shoes and take a breakfast in Fuk Kee Congee providing (where have) different types (type) of congee. (,) I think you would (should) like that.

The Ladies' Market, where our second destination is after the breakfast, (this) is one of the most popular shopping street markets in Hong Kong. We can buy bags, toys and clothing (that) about Hong Kong. It is a good place for buying souvenirs. I think we will be very tried after shopping.(,) We (we)can go to Milk & Milk to have a lunch.(, )You (you) must (need to) order baked beef with pasta and a baked seafood with rice which are (is )the famous in this restaurant. They're (It’s) so delicious.

Leaving (Leave) the Ladies’s Market, we will have a 3D-movie in Langham Place where has around 200 shops catering to shoppers of all ages. There(,) is the most popular shopping mall in Hong Kong. I think you need to buy something for yourself after watching movie. There are many(; here have much) toiletry shops (shop) of famous brands (big brand). For example, Gucci, Calvin Klein, Chanel. At last, we can have dinner in food court and back to the hotel.

引用第0樓鬼影炎光於2011-01-21 09:32發表的“[English] HK 一天遊行程, 幫忙執下!!”:
係講幫一個朋友Plan 一日HK既行程, 200字左右! 我就揀左係MK一日遊, 咁多位幫手執下我D英文, 簡單英文就可以, 因為仲要讀番出黎! 唔該晒!!

幾多錯下,仲好難搞,
唯有逐句黎la....
Form the Langham hotel at 10:00am, we can go to Fa Yuen Street, which means Sneakers Street, This is a small neighborhood with many small retailers which well sports equipment and clothing.

呢句幾多野錯但係我唔識解釋,句子連接上有問題掛...另外comma唔好亂用
我會咁改
We will leave the Langham hotel and go to Fa Yuen Street at 10am. Fa Yuen Street, also known as Sneakers Street, is a small neighborhood with many small retailers which sell sports equipment and clothing.
(BTW發現到你抄wikipedia )

We can buy some shoes and take a breakfast in Fuk Kee Congee where have different type of congee, I think you should like that.

注意'where have'你篇文出左幾次,其實係唔得的,仲有We can buy some shoes and take a breakfast in Fuk Kee Congee可能會引起你係Fuk Kee Congee買shoes同食早餐o既誤會,最好斷番開句野/講清楚

We can buy some shoes there and take a breakfast in a nearby restaurant called Fuk Kee Congee, which has many different types of congee. I think you should like that.

一陣得閒改埋下兩段

第二段
Ladies' Market, our second destination after the breakfast, this is one of the most popular shopping street markets in Hong Kong.

兩個comma中間係'Ladies' Market'o既解釋,咁用o既時候你要確保你delete左兩個comma中間o既野後,句句字仲係通順
你睇下你呢句
Ladies' Market this is one of the most popular shopping street markets in Hong Kong.
自己識改la
另外你呢篇係講稿,你講完第一段之後無端端就Ladies' Market,our.......會覺得兩段無咩聯繫
我會覺得簡單o的
Then,we will go to Ladies' market,which is one of the most popular shopping street markets in Hong Kong.
仲好,不過就咁都無所謂,你鐘意la

We can buy bags, toys and clothing that about Hong Kong.
'that is'或者無左個that都得
We can buy bags, toys and clothing (that is) about Hong Kong.

It is good place for buying souvenirs.
'a' good place, countable noun...


I think we will very tried after shopping, we can go to Milk & Milk to have a lunch, you need to order baked beef with pasta and a baked seafood with rice which is the famous in this restaurant.It’s so delicious.
Will唔係verb呀,is o既 future tense係will be
呢句本身係幾句野黎,唔好不停comma....一篇簡單英文寫o既文應該係full stop多過comma好多的,你唔知用咩好果陣通常都係full stop...
I think we will be very tried after shopping, so we will go to Milk & Milk to have lunch.
You should order baked beef with pasta and baked seafood with rice as they are the most famous dishes in that restaurant. It’s very delicious.

Leaving the Ladies’s Market, we will see a 3D-movie in Langham Place which has around 200 shops catering to shoppers of all ages. It is the most popular shopping mall in Hong Kong.
後半幾明顯係抄的

I think you need to buy something for yourself after watching the movie. There are many toiletry shops of big brand like Gucci, Calvin Klein, Chanel. At last, we can have dinner in the food court and go back to the hotel.

咩here have呀where have呀there has呀全部都係chinglish,要戒
countable用many,uncountable 用much
另外你肯定真係toiletry shop?

真係盡量自己作出黎比較好
有好多句子好明顯係照抄
聽起上黎好奇怪
如果覺得寫作有困難
可以用simple sentences
每句寫完就用句號
所謂既simple sentences就係冇conjunction clauses
即係冇連接詞如where is, which are, etc
一句句子表達一樣野比較唔會出錯
加油

I think we will (be) very triedafter shopping
tired ?

For example, Gucci, Calvin Klein