Alan Pardew walks into the bank -
Alan Pardew walks into a bank in Newcastle. He walks up to the teller and says: "I'd like to withdraw £5,000 please".
The teller replies "Certainly sir! All I need is to see some identification." Pardew, taken aback, replies "This is really embarrassing. But I don't have any I.D. on me. But I'm Alan Pardew. You can ask anybody around here. They will tell you who I am." The teller replies sternly "I know who you are sir. But I still need some sort of proof of identification. I'm sorry."
Bemused, Pardew asks "is there really nothing you can do?" The teller says "Well. There is one thing. A number of years ago we had this same situation with Obafemi Martins. Obafemi came in without any form of I.D. to prove who he was. So he said he would prove it by doing something an impostor couldn't possibly do. He set a football down in the street outside. He then proceeded to kick it as hard as he possibly could. He kicked the ball so far, we knew it had to be him." Alan replies: "Interesting. Were there any other cases?"
The teller smiles and replies:"Yes actually. Not two months ago we had Hatem Ben Arfa in. Same problem again. So Hatem proceeds to put the ball on the floor, and starts juggling it with his feet. He goes on to do a number of tricks, and we knew it absolutely had to be him.
"So Sir, is there anything you could do to prove to us who you are?" the teller asks.
Pardew stops to think for a minute. He shakes his head and replies "I can't think of anything at all. I'm not sure if there's a solution here. Honestly, I'm drawing a blank..."
The teller asks "Will that be large or small notes sir?"
